No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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