when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
