I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
