Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
