I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
