Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Pants are for mortals
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
