I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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