I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
