Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
