I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
