jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
