I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
