i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
