Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
