i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
