so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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