why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
