two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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