had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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