i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
