if only i could text you this smell
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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