in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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