Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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