So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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