So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
