it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
