dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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