you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
