you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
