I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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