you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
