i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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