This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
