hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I will pee on everything he values.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
