wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
