I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Buhtt sex?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
