In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
