I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
