I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
