I wanna bring you to show and tell
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm like, not good at living.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
