Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
