Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That accounts for only three of the penises
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
