Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
