but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
