My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
