It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
