do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
