he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
