How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
