I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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