stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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