So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
